He opened the rock and...something flowed out

Miracle Girl: He opened the rock and...something flowed out

That substance also poured forth from the creationist commenters in my Secular Spectrum post, Holy Moses.

My secular upbringing prevents me from truly understanding the religious mindset. That means in many cases, my readers know more about the subject than I ever could.

How did you swallow religion when you were a believer?

Holy Moses?

The Secular Spectrum: Holy Moses?

I was already an atheist, but I had begun identifying more and more with my Jewish heritage. So one year, my agnostic mother and I loaded up our grocery cart with Jewish foods from the ethnic foods aisle in preparation for a secular Passover. We also picked up a Haggadah, which I barely glanced after we took it home.

To be honest, it wasn't really a Passover seder. We dispensed with all the rituals and went straight for the food.

As I write about in the SecSpec post, I decided that the creamed pickled herring might be useful in case of accidental ingestion of a poison. The borscht, I loaded with more and more sour cream--trying to make it edible--until it looked like Pepto Bismol. But I thought the honey cake and cookies were pretty good--no surprise from someone with such a sweet tooth.

It wasn't really a Passover seder at all, and we never tried it again. Since I didn't grow up with much Jewish culture, my Jewish identity would have to come from within.

And if I never look at another creamed pickled herring, I'll die a happy person.

A Valentine's Day Poem Massacre

David leering at Bathsheba as she wears the latest Renaissance fashions,

The Secular Spectrum: A Valentine's Day Poem Massacre

Since it's nearly impossible to find Valentine's Day cards that aren't either sappy or stupid, I began a tradition of writing my own bad poetry for Keith.

Being a satirist, the poems contain hidden jokes and puns. The themes often grow from whatever is occupying our lives as I write it. Since I'm writing posts for the Secular Spectrum, the theme of this year's poem is absurd biblical stories.

Because of this, I decided to share the poem with SecSpec's readers. I've also challenged them to come up with their own bad biblical/romantic verse. And I'm inviting readers of this blog to join the fun.

Share your own biblical babble in the comments section!

And as a bonus, here is last year's Valentine's Day poem for Keith.

You’re Trending in My Heart

  

Follow me and I will follow you,

O’ how you update my status!

Befriend my heart,

And my heart will never defriend yours.

I like to be liked,

And I like to like you.

How your love makes my heart twitter,

Your news feeds my soul.

Share with me your love,

And I will share with you everything.

My laughs will be your laughs,

My tears, you will cry too.

Do not block me, my love,

And my thoughts will always be with you.

Only a person who truly loved me,

Would share these sentiments too.